Wednesday, 11 March 2015

After days of crying and self-pitying I came for a truce with myself. I made peace with myself and accepted my fate. He left me with two options either end my life or get out and face the world. I considered first option for very long time but I didn’t have guts to kill myself, I am coward on those lines. I know facing the world is not easy either, I have to answer too many irrelevant questions, I have to go through a bashing of the society though I am a victim of the circumstances. Just few months ago I was a girl with average dreams just like any other normal girls. Today I am a shattered woman with an uncertain future. Zest to find happiness again in my life gave me all the strength to make up my mind.
I started my day with cleaning my home, I made sure to destroy all his things which would bother me. It wasn’t easy for me to throw away his cloths to the garbage bin outside my house, but I had to do it because that’s the only way to convince myself that he is out of my life. Later that evening I started reading all the emails we exchanged in 10 years for one last time before deleting them for ever. I broke down every time I read how much he loved me. I cried and cried but again I asked myself did he seriously loved me ever? If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have put me through this in life, He wouldn’t have made a mess out of my life which I need to clean for rest of my life.
After cleaning up my email inbox, I realised it was a mid-night and I have spent entire evening cleaning his memories out of my home and life. I told myself-“out of sight is out of mind and you are doing a right thing, don’t regret your decision”.

I cried once again before switching off all the lights in hall. I made my way to the bed room with a heavy heart but with clear mind. I was prepared to face the world. I was prepared to clean up the mess he created for my own good. First time in life, I realised how important it is to love myself. I don’t remember when I fell asleep but I slept really well after many days. In a very long time I got up for the first time being light hearted. As I opened my balcony door, sun rays kissed me like as if those rays are saying-“Go girl, face the world, capture the world, you can get through this phase”. I think I did a right decision of cleaning his memories out of my home. 
#StartANewLife-  right decision at right time is very important for our own good. Moving on in life is a hardest phase but its necessary for our own inner peace and happiness.


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