Friday, 20 June 2014

                                             Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers
Live-In or marriage, I am no saint so I will stay away from speaking about morality.
Live in or marriage both has a same factor-living with person you are in love.Accordng to me only difference is, If relationship takes sour route, in live-in it’s easy to get out  as no legal hassles where as in marriage one has to go through a tiresome divorce procedure for years. Whether it’s live-in or marriage, if relationship works out it’s like living in a heaven.
Live-In Or Marriage-My thoughts....

I don’t want speak about culture norms, moral grounds, society regarding marriage and live-in .I just want to share my personal experience on this. I lived with a man for more than 5 yrs and One day like a good girl confessed in front of my mother, her reaction- she slapped me tight, My dad disowned me for few days(yeah after 2 days he came around).I was stubborn, wild and full of liberal thoughts. I didn’t give much of option to my parents other than accepting me the way I am.
Let’s get back to the point, usually we think  in live-in, its easy, no  strings attached, can get out whenever we want, two individual living under same roof though their lives  are separate in outside world and many other  impressions. But the truth is when you are living with a person unknowingly your life gets entwined with your partner’s life. You live with you partner because you are in love with your partner and there are no written rules in love. You may say lines are drawn but it won’t take long for the lines to vanish. Especially if you live with a partner for years and decide to get out of the relationship, it’s not easy. It may not involve the tiresome divorce procedure but emotional rides are not that easy to take it. After living with a partner for many years, it wasn’t easy way out for me to get out of the relationship. There were many things involved, finances is one of them and friends are next because if you live with person for years, partner’s friends becomes your friends as well.Wasnt sure with whom to keep in touch or not. All of a sudden I was in a guilt trip, from nowhere society rules surfaced in my mind, I felt like a victim, I was angry on myself for letting a man to use me for years. I called myself a victim conveniently forgetting it was my choice aswell. Blame game went on.Time doesn’t stop for anyone and that phase of my life also moved on but It took years for me to get out of the emotional trauma I went through. That experience has left such a mark in my life, now I am scared to get into a relationship. We women look at the relationship very differently, our needs in relationship is bit different from men.
Am I saying Live-in is a wrong practice and marriage is right? NO, like I said if relationship works out right it doesn’t matter its live-in or marriage, all matters is two people being happy and content in life. I have friends who lived-in for years and happily ended up getting married(so marriage is the last resort even in live-in),I have also seen friends who lived-in perfectly, then married and then ended up in divorce. I have even seen a marriage of two unknown and lived perfectly happy life (my parents are example).It’s a matter of how it works out between two individual. What one opt is individual choice. I don’t agree with society looking down if any one chooses a live-in route. I don’t consider it as a sin and everyone should learn to respect individual’s approach towards life.

There is nothing wrong in trying a live-in if you know what you are getting into and if you can deal with your emotions if it doesn’t work out. There is also nothing wrong in marriage as long as it works out for good. Every relationship is based on love, trust, mutual acceptance and mutual respect. If all these fails to meet, let it be live-in or marriage nothing works out.

11 comments:

  1. First respect for you to accept that you were in a live in relation (I know one who actually has a dementia about it) Secondly Live in or marriage it equally hurts when it ends. and living together automatically makes you more attached to a person in a different level altogether

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    1. Thanks for the appreciation...According to me,if your own people accepts you the way you are thats enough and society always has an opinion about anybody and everybody.As long as you are not committing a crime,i think should not worry about the people too much...

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  2. First of all, RESPECT for sharing your personal experience. It really takes a lot of courage. I felt really sad while reading all that. But finally, you moved on and I felt happy for you. I really wish a whole lot of happiness for you in the present and the future.

    I agree with your views. At the end of the day, all that matters is love. If love is there, the tags of Being Married or Living-In do not matter.

    Thank you for this post. You really are a strong woman. :)

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    1. Thanks alot for dropping a comment on my post Anmol.

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  3. Very well written. .likevthe honesty

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  4. I agree with you! People think live-in is easy for getting out. Legally, may be yes. But the emotional pain is equal for both marriage and live-in, if it has to end!

    And it takes a lot of courage to write a part of you. I am again impressed by you! Pretty and strong and elegant, you are! :)

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  5. Thank you for writing so honestly about your own experience. It adds a depth to the debate moving it away from the theoretical to the true.

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  6. "Every relationship is based on love, trust and mutual respect." - you are right, and the chances of these being broken is very high - in a live-in, and high - in a marriage. IMO. Is it possible to continue living with each other even after love, trust and mutual respect is broken? Because these will eventually be broken. Marriage makes it difficult to break a partnership for small (but what ppl. think are big) reasons, that's why I think it's accepted by the society over live-in relationship.

    Destination Infinity

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