Thursday, 24 October 2013


I am 29yrs single woman living all alone by myself for years now. Being a single woman it’s not easy to wander in men dominated society. I have faced many circumstances in my life where I felt helpless. But time taught me alot, helped me to stay strong and face the devils. Assault or attack need not to be physical, there are people who are capable of assaulting women mentally too. Majority of the people who speaks about
safety measures for woman are those who has not experienced such situations in life, no offence here to anyone, it’s always easy to advice than experiencing it in reality. I am somebody, who goes through it every day of my life in many ways and I would like to share about it here. I live all by myself in my own apartment in Bangalore. The moment a majority of the men realizes I am single woman living all by myself, there prospective towards me changes. Talk to them little friendly, next question is, when am I invited to your house? When are you going to cook for me? They don’t realize when they are making these kinds of a passes towards a girl how she feels. Initially used to be hurt, I used to feel declined mentally, question myself-do I look like desperate for men? But as the days passed I learnt to live with it and fight for it when it is necessary. I realized, it’s not only me, whether one is single or not, every woman goes through this in their own way everyday. Now I don’t say I live alone to any men whom I meet professionally or in social circle. If the circumstance allows me to say I live alone make sure I have drawn a line where opposite person shouldn't cross. I learned how to say to an opposite person where he stands in my talks. I learnt how to talk nicely to a man without taking my nice manner of talking for granted  by a man and consider himself to take our talks to another level. If he crossed the line and asks me those same questions-I look straight into his eyes and I say-I don’t invite you because you are not in my invitable friend's list. If a man crosses his lines when I am going through my PMS-I would Get little nasty in my words usage.
I have faced many situations in life where my safety is at risk. I learnt to defend myself because I didn’t have choice. Being strong mentally is the best self defense system.
Here is a situation I faced a year ago. I was wide awake around 2AM, doing some reading. It was summer time and left my window open for some nice breeze. I heard a noise near my window, but I ignored it. Once again I heard a noise, so I went there to check-A man standing there with a letter in his hand. He just threw the letter inside my room through window and ran away. Letter had obscene message in it, if I write those messages here I am sure my post will go to spam. I was sure that guy must be someone from my apartment itself as he crossed the gate without watchman notice. The moment I read I was little panicked. Closed the window, sat in hall thinking what should I do next? My brain was still working and digesting those words written in the letter, by then I heard a knock at my front door. Saw in peep hole, a man standing there. I started crying, living alone is a crime? Just because I am single woman, one can write obscene letter and expect me to open the door for him? Just because I am single, I look like sex-crazed woman? Those feelings are worst than any nightmares. Rape is not just a physical thing I consider  what I went through is also a raping someone mentally.I'vent chosen to be alone,I am just left with only option that is to live alone. I decided can’t act like a chicken, I can do my crying in my spare time and then tried reaching my apartment watchman. He didn’t answer my call,Immediately called 100,they heard my story and police arrived in 15min. I even called my immediate neighbor,I thought 100times before disturbing my neighbor,but thought it’s not a time to think about atticates. Yes my neighbor was very helpful. Drama went on with police and apartment society and that man had to vacate the flat very next day  .In this kind of a situation,many women choose to be mute and ignore the incident.If i wanted i could have but i thought,i need to live and face these kind of people everyday and i need to fight back than keeping quiet.I could”ve just ignored the letter and knock at my door and got through my life.But i chose to teach that man a lesson and not mess with another women too.
That was a situation- I WISH I HAD A  SMART SURAKSHA APP.A single click to reach 5 helpful people  with location details no matter if gps is working or not.Thought of this app boosts my confidence as a single woman. It’s no late to have smartsuraksa app. I will download it to my mobile soon. A sensible App for every woman
 When People around my apartment and friends heard this incident, their reaction was mixed.Ofcourse friends appreciated my confidence. Again there is always one kind of a people their reaction was-why were you awake so late?(I didn’t know it’s a crime not to sleep in my own house at that hour of the night)May be you were wearing less cloths and he got  provoked(I didn’t even know that wearing a cloths as I pleased inside my own house has got to do something with a maniac who lives outside my house) again there were exaggerated comments as it’s my fault which can go on and on here. It’s always a victim is responsible according to one category of people.
After many incidents in my life of being single woman figured out my own self defense methods. Thought about taking martial arts classes, i realized one need passion to learn few things, if not it’s like mugging up a mathematics theorem to write it in exam if that theorem question turns up. This is my opinion. But these classes can boost one's self confidence and personality.
I learnt one thing, Need to be smart enough to live alone, need to find tactics to deal in unfavorable situations. Sometime carrying a weapon can also fail, if your brain fails to work. One can use anything as a weapon if one can be a smart enough.Dont underestimate the power of your mouth. You may scare your attacker with your smart mouth if not use your mouth to SCREAM!!!!SHOUT!!!BITE!!! Whatever your Mouth can do.
I spoke about few safety tips for all those girls who go out late night partying in one of my previous blog here is the link-it can be helpful to few-http://knithaurs.blogspot.in/2013/08/friday-night-out-tips.html
 Here are some tips I feel it’s appropriate to share in this blog
My defense methods at home.
1-I brought a dog immediately after the incident I mentioned above.
2-I don’t open a door at any time of the day or night without seeing a peep hole in the door, though I expected a friend to arrive at that time.
3-I keep chili powder in a reachable distance.
4-I don’t mention anyone that I live alone whom I meet casually.
5-My area police station No in speed dial list of my mobile.
My defense method while going out.
6-I carry a pepper spray in my hand bag. If not a deodorant spray. Even deodorant spray acts like a weapon, spray it straight on the eyes of a assaulter, he will go buzzing for a while where victim can take escape route.
7-I always keep chili powder and a rod in my car in reachable distance.
I have experience here; i was attacked on road in Bangalore by bunch of boys, though I didn’t use the rod to harm anyone bought some time holding the rod till few people noticed and came for my help.Sometimes, just holding the weapon can make a gang full of people to think before striking on you.
8-If I have to take cab, i call someone whom I trust and used for years. If he is not available I take cab from reputed cab services who keep their drivers on track using GPS.
9-I don’t stop my car if someone shows hand signal on the road asking for help.
10-I don’t talk too much to a stranger. I make sure I don’t give too much information about me to him/her Like-phone no, address or any personal where about. Even if they try talking to me in the name of representative of so and so bank or company when I am in big malls or super market. Usually we get carried away with their marketing talks and mistake happens.
I had an experience. I gave my phone no in some mall for some reason to a guy who was representing a bank or some pay back cards. He ended up stalking me in all possible ways. I became careful after that to whom I give my phone no. 
List of self defense and smart ways to think goes on. I would like to say-YOUR CONFIDENCE IS THE BEST WEAPON.I am thankful to the team of Smart suraksha app,its a very sensible app to any women and may save many women's life from bitter experience.Dont panic,dont loose your confidence in unfavorable situations. Remember to keep your head straight because you need to be focused to punch a button of Smart suraksha app.
Like always i say-LOVE YOURSELF.loving oneself helps to save your own life and over come many unfavourable situations in life.
KnithaUrs


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